August 24, 2020

Looking through notes from a few years ago, I’m amazed by how much my ideas have shifted – especially on the topic of bravery.

I used to spend a lot of energy attempting to be brave in uncomfortable situations, to push through anxiety, to do hard things. I saw that as a kind of self-empowerment, …

August 11, 2020

I’ve learned that “How are you?” is usually meant as a greeting, not a question. But if I give a trite answer, and the person responds by repeating the question a second time – slower, with emphasis – then I know it’s truly a question.

That’s when it gets complicated.

Many autistic people experience “alexithymia,” …

August 10, 2020

I’m terrified of improvisation, so I often spend more time preparing for things than actually doing them. It feels like building a staircase into the sky – I could attempt to fly, but falling is so painful that it isn’t worth the risk.

As a teacher assistant, I sometimes have to substitute for absent teachers. …

August 9, 2020

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but…

You are not annoying.

If those who feel annoyed by you went away, and you clambered up a hill to watch the sunset alone, sprawling on a soft picnic blanket, warmed by the golden glow – you would not wear an invisible badge tainting your …

August 8, 2020

Musicals feel like heaven to me, because they portray a world that solves some specifically autistic problems.

For example, I’m not great at reading between the lines to figure out a person’s true intentions. Musicals solve this through solo songs that reveal exactly what the character is thinking and feeling.

Also, the real world has …

June 23, 2020

When I’m holding a thought in my mind, and I’m about to act on it soon, the place where it lives is called “working memory.”

For me, it’s a very small place. My working memory can hold one or two thoughts with intense focus and attention, but if I try to hold three or four …

August 28, 2019

The saying goes that you should always be kind, because you never know what someone is going through.

Well, you never know perfectly. But there can be clues.

If someone is speaking or moving in a way that seems odd or unpredictable to you, there’s a good chance they may be on the autism spectrum.…

August 11, 2019

Writing clarifies my thoughts. Talking feels messier.

When I’m drafting a post, I often ramble a bit before stumbling on the main idea. Then I delete the first half of the draft, move the last sentence to the beginning, make some final adjustments, and post it. I usually continue to tweak it even after it’s …

August 10, 2019

There are many people who like me, and many people who don’t. For most of my life, I figured that one group was wrong, but I could never be certain which one. Either I was likeable, and some people just didn’t know me well enough to see it – or I was unlikeable, and some …

August 9, 2019

“Are you okay?”

Whenever a stranger asks me this, my brain silently says, “No, I’m not. You’ve caught me in a startled state, only halfway recovered from an overwhelming moment. I’m trying to regain my sense of balance, as if I was spinning and suddenly stopped. Finding words right now feels like dizzily trying to …