November 12, 2020

A conversation with my past self:

Me: “You look kind of grumpy.”

Little me: “Yeah, a teacher was mean to me.”

Me: “What happened?”

Little me: “I was using my hula hoop as a jump rope, and he said: STOP THAT.”

Me: “Wait… as a jump rope?”

Little me: “I mean, holding it in front …

November 6, 2020

Do you think in words, pictures, or another way? What comes most naturally, and what else is even possible?

I occasionally think in pictures, but it feels secondary, like illustrations sprinkled throughout a chapter book.

Generally, my thoughts begin as wordless ideas. I draw a conclusion, and am able to act on it, regardless of …

October 26, 2020

My previous post, about skin picking and hair pulling, was the first time I’ve tackled that subject in my three years of writing about autism. I’ve spent those years looking for connections, experimenting with solutions, and wondering what I could say about those habits that might possibly be useful – so, I’m deeply grateful …

October 22, 2020

I’ve read enough anecdotes from autistic women to notice a pattern: Many of us pick at our skin or hair.

There’s plenty of advice and support available if you search for “dermatillomania” (a.k.a. skin excoriation disorder) or “trichotillomania” – but not much info about the overlap with autism. So, here’s what I’ve learned through 20 …

October 22, 2020

Never try to stop an autistic person’s behavior. Instead, show us:

1) the benefit of doing it,
2) the cost of doing it,
3) the benefit of stopping it, and
4) the cost of stopping it.

This empowers us to choose what we want to change, and what we want to accept. In either case, …

October 19, 2020

I would have made fewer enemies, over the course of my life, if I’d learned this one secret: People feel threatened when you shine a light on their flaws.

By late high school, I had figured out the most obvious applications of this concept: Don’t correct teachers, and don’t point out minor errors in a …

October 18, 2020

I enjoy feeling feminine. I hardly ever feel that way around neurotypical women, who tend to express femininity in ways that I find unnatural and unpleasant to imitate.

Long nails. Hair in place. Even volume. Smooth, dainty movements. Perfectly timed interruptions. I can’t keep up, and it’s exhausting to try.

You know where I do …

October 11, 2020

I’m tired of seeing people belittle or outright dismiss the concept of triggers, as if war veterans were the only people to legitimately experience aspects of PTSD.

A trigger, in the PTSD sense, is any event that suddenly and uncontrollably brings back an unbearable memory with full force. It especially applies to seemingly minor events, …

October 9, 2020

I generally dislike being in a body. Everything is always too cold, or too hot. Too wobbly, or too firm. Too tight, or tingling in need of compression. It’s very rarely just right.

But then there are moments when the outdoor air is exactly as warm as my skin, and the breeze feels like a …

October 7, 2020

“Thank you for not getting involved in crap – it’s so refreshing.”

Those exact words were spoken to me, in high school, by a popular girl caught up in the latest classroom drama.

I forget how I responded – probably “you’re welcome” – but soon after, I realized something about the seeming compliment: I never …