Tag: #BeingAutistic

February 23, 2019

If food ever bothers me, it’s usually because of the texture. Tomato seeds are a good example. It isn’t that I mind the seeds themselves, but the gunk surrounding them is disgusting to me, like cold phlegm.

As a child, I always wanted to scoop out the gunk. But I never did so, because it …

February 18, 2019

I’ve just woken up from a dream. In it, I did something socially strenuous. Soon after, I was standing on the doorstep of a house with a few other people, waiting to enter.

I didn’t want to be there, or interact with anyone for any reason, but I needed something in the house. When one …

February 14, 2019

It seems to me that very few people are willing to write publicly about how autism can affect romantic touch. I want to say a couple things about that, because if you feel the same way, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

First, “sensory sensitivity” might make some kinds of touch uncomfortable. …

February 13, 2019

Before learning about autism, I used to have mysterious meltdowns. Well into adulthood, I would sometimes break down crying without understanding why, then apologize shamefully for the tears that I couldn’t justify.

I still have meltdowns occasionally, but less often, because now I understand what triggers them. For me, it’s a combination of sensory overload …

February 5, 2019

A comfort object serves a different purpose than a stim toy, even though a single item can be both at once.

I hear about the benefits of stim toys more often, maybe because there’s more money to be made from them. I can’t deny that when I find something with a perfect texture for fidgeting, …

February 5, 2019

I like being polite. But it becomes harder when information comes at me too fast to keep up. My brain panics a little, like I’ve been pushed out of a tree and am grasping for branches as I fall.

This morning, a coworker started asking me a detailed question without any context. I wish I’d …

February 3, 2019

My parents did a lot of things right.

They told me “I love you” from morning till night, with every hello and every goodbye. Their actions proved it too, but I wasn’t the sort of child who could infer hidden messages, so I appreciated the clear words. I always returned them, too – a warm …

February 3, 2019

As a child, I called myself a poet, because I noticed things that others didn’t, and tried my best to put them into rhyming words.

As a child, I also felt misunderstood, or only partially understood, by most people, most of the time.

It turns out that symbolic poetry is not the best form of …

February 3, 2019

In elementary school, I got A’s in most classes. I sometimes turned assignments in late, before finally learning to use a planner in middle school, but my “creativity” earned me bonus points that made up for it.

The one exception was gym class, where I got C’s. For everyone else, it was the easiest class …

February 2, 2019

The power has been out at my house the past two days, for urgent electrical work. The heat is working, but none of the lights or outlets are.

This is stressful for typical reasons – food is spoiling in the fridge, I can only use my computer at a coffee shop, and evening activities are …