December 4, 2020

My page isn’t run by a company, an organization, or even a team. I’m just one girl, sitting in an attic, opening the notes app on my phone, pouring my soul out.

By day, I teach autistic students. I don’t say much about them here, to protect their privacy. But they teach me about myself, …

December 3, 2020

I get “Zoom fatigue” in person, too.

The split-second delay of an Internet connection is like the delay of my brain’s audio processing.

The reflective thumbnail video is like my self-conscious awareness of how I might be perceived.

The sudden shifts in volume from a variety of microphones are like the unpredictable twists and turns …

December 2, 2020

Some people will find it hard to give you what you need – patience, precision, comfort, consistency. This can translate into feeling hard to love. Not unloved – just hard to love.

Everything changes when you meet people who find it easy to give what you need. They don’t even have to like you all …

December 1, 2020

Passive inclusion is when I walk in a room and nobody kicks me out.

Active inclusion is when I walk in a room and people make space for me, physically open their circle to include me, welcome me by name, and catch me up on the current topic of conversation so that I have enough …

November 30, 2020

What is it like when autistics spend time together, with no neurotypical people around? I want to give you a peek behind the curtain.

You might think that we go off on long tangents, leaving our listeners to suffer in boredom. But hiding boredom out of politeness is a neurotypical thing.

When I’m with autistics, …

November 24, 2020

I had a mini meltdown today – letting out a sharp cry, then curling up and covering my head. Usually my meltdowns include a sensory trigger, but this one was purely cerebral. My brain simply ran out of space to process all the things.

It was “mini” because I knew what to do about it. …

November 21, 2020

When it comes to reading, I tend to prefer “expository” content (such as self-help and pop science) over “narrative” content (such as fiction and biographies).

I noticed today that this preference is less about my interest in the topic, and more about the way sentences are structured in each style.

If information is presented in …

November 21, 2020

It’s easy for me to miss or misunderstand people’s motivations and reactions. It isn’t willful ignorance – I want the information, but often can’t gather it on my own.

When I describe my social experiences to neurotypical friends or family, I love to hear them say, “Here’s what may be happening from the other person’s …

November 17, 2020

I used to adore the aesthetic of orphanhood. I didn’t actually want to lose my family, but was captivated by stories of young girls who made their own way in the world, roaming freely in tattered dresses. I read orphan stories nearly every day, and invented my own as I drifted off to sleep. I …

November 15, 2020

Cargo pants make me feel strong.

I feel more balanced and grounded – less likely to fall over – when the clothing from my waist to my ankles is baggy. I feel more prepared, and ready for surprises, when I can access supplies in my pockets. Most importantly, I feel more courageous when I can …