December 21, 2020

Back when people traveled, I spent a summer living and working in Europe. I took more selfies that summer than in my entire life before.

It felt meaningful, a way to stay connected with friends back home. But to give them an accurate window into my world, I needed a skill I’d never practiced before: …

December 19, 2020

“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”

Which of these statements have you heard? I’ve heard both, word-for-word, from people who weren’t aware the other version existed. And I agree with both, even though they sound like opposites.

“Worth doing well” means that if you’re going to do …

December 19, 2020

I remember the moment when I stopped liking Christmas.

I was a teenager, passing out gifts to my family from under the tree. I had embraced this role my whole life, as the youngest and most nimble one there – the most capable of crouching, reaching, and scampering from one recipient to the next.

This …

December 18, 2020

Sensitivity is a more refined skill than empathy. You can figure it out from empathy, if you slow down and look closely, but that takes practice.

Here’s an example of me being empathetic, but not sensitive. It happened just a few minutes ago, and I still feel bad about it.

Someone described an interpersonal conflict. …

December 17, 2020

What exactly is the emotion of disdain? It’s more than disapproval – there’s something snarly, something venomous about it.

But snarls and venom are defense mechanisms, used by animals for protection in the face of fear. Does that mean disdain is rooted in fear?

It seems that way for me, at least. If I notice …

December 17, 2020

It’s probably a little late for ordering holiday gifts, but just in case, here are some of the products that have improved my life the most as an autistic adult. I’m not endorsing any particular brands, just pointing out types of products that solved problems for me.

1. Microwavable bean bag. It’s meant for muscle …

December 17, 2020

My last post talked about making it safe for students to be wrong. What happens when it isn’t?

Well, it creates a state of mind where safety is found in being right. Thus, helping others to be right feels like helping them to be safe.

In reality, I’ve found that people feel very unsafe when …

December 16, 2020

I have a zero-shame policy in my classes, because I believe that students learn better when it’s safe to make mistakes – including the “mistake” of accidentally losing focus.

I imagine every student through the eyes of their classmates, and do what I can to minimize embarrassment. In practice, that includes rewarding bravery, repeating directions, …

December 15, 2020

It seems like the preteen years are tough for everyone, and even more so for autistic kids.

I had no friends for a while in middle school. I remember classmates talking to me out of pity – I could tell it was out of pity – and I remember savoring those crumbs, even though the …

December 15, 2020

What makes clothing comfortable? Designers of “autistic-friendly” clothing often use soft fabric and eliminate tags, but neither of those make much difference to me.

No matter the texture, I dislike clothing. But cold is a bigger sensory trigger, so the benefits of bundling outweigh the cost. I even wear scarves in the summer, for airflow …