May 1, 2021

I came across a list of personal goals from 10 years ago, and one of them was: “Make better eye contact.”

I didn’t write that because of any negative feedback I’d received. I certainly didn’t write it because of any so-called autism therapy – no one knew I was autistic at the time, including me. …

April 29, 2021

If you’re a failure-fearing go-getter like me, then it may be easier to try new things if you explicitly set a goal to fail.

Like the writer who tried to get 100 rejections from magazines, and ended up with many articles published, because he wasn’t afraid to pitch his ideas.

Like the pottery students who …

April 28, 2021

At my sixth or seventh birthday party, while opening gifts, a hilarious coincidence happened – or so it seemed, to little me.

The first gift I opened was something I already owned. Then, when I opened the second gift, it was also something I already owned.

I began to laugh. I laughed and laughed, doubling …

April 27, 2021

A few years ago, a friend asked if I wanted to see their notebook collection. I readily agreed, because notebooks are portals of possibility that cause my imagination to soar.

I was not disappointed. Crowning a corner bookcase, like an altar, was a neat row of spines. Perusing each one, leafing through its bare pages, …

April 24, 2021

I remember, as a teenager, being at a lake with some other teens. The boys kept trying to push the girls off the dock – except me, whom they ignored – and the girls kept squealing and running away.

Unexpected water is torture to me, so there’s no way I’m going to let a fellow …

April 24, 2021

Fascination with a topic is all well and good. But what happens when autistic fascination gets directed at another person, who may or may not be autistic themselves?

If it’s reciprocated, I call that love. Mutual fascination creates a safe space to express desires, communicate boundaries, and explore each other as complex, flawed, evolving humans. …

April 23, 2021

Processing speed is different from processing ability.

Sometimes, when a person realizes I have poor processing speed, they automatically assume I have poor processing ability. Their tone becomes more singsongy, their vocabulary more childlike, and their expressions more performative – thinking this makes it easier for me to understand.

It’s like they’ve never considered the …

April 22, 2021

Tonight, I reread a novel from my childhood. It was published 25 years ago, and I read it soon after, but only once. Tonight was my second reading.

I had completely forgotten that it contains an autistic character.

Unless I’m forgetting other examples too, this was probably my first encounter with autism in literature. And …

April 18, 2021

Kids who ask, “Is there any homework tonight?” are not usually trying to create extra work for their classmates, or earn praise from their teacher.

More likely, they’re trying to protect themselves from the shame and consequences of having missed an instruction. I know, because I’ve been that kid.

Ironically, the shame that we’re trying …

April 15, 2021

What’s your default response to danger: Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?

I’m totally fawn. I’m so fawn, I should live in a forest. Which would fit my aesthetic, incidentally – but that’s beside the point.

The point is, I’m a people-pleaser. My brain tells me that the best way to keep people from getting angry, …